Sit down my darlings and let me tell you a story.
A story of what happens when you don't leave well enough alone.
"Years and years ago there were these people called The Macabees..."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!"Wrong story, that's from "The One with the Holiday Armadillo"
"My favourite part was when Superman flew all the Jews out of Egypt"...I'll try stop quoting FRIENDS.
"The Armadillo was not too thrilled about that part!"
ANYWAY, Months and months ago I started in sharing The Sister's love for crafts and card making. And all that time we've been complaining at how tiny the craft room is for hanging out when we're both in there. We'd also been musing about moving from The Tiny Craft Room to the basement so there's more space for both of us and we could both craft at the same time and so that we could take over the basement. And for the most part we've been all talk.
Until now. (Well, until 3 weekends ago, but same thing)
We finally decided to do it! So that means for the past 3 weeks we've been slowly and painfully moving from The Tiny Craft Room into The Basement Of Forgotten Messes And Still-Unpacked Boxes. (That's right, we moved houses TWO times and both times there have been a collection of boxes that we packed up, taped shut and sealed AND THEN NEVER OPENED AGAIN.) For 3 years these boxes were transferred from one basement to storage to another basement and have remained sealed and shut that whole time. I don't even remember what's in those boxes. But we can't get rid of them! They're mine! And they're so important, I know it! And I can't get rid of them! I don't want to and you can't make me! ...They're still actually unopened. We meant to open them up 2 weeks ago but...we hid them away in a corner and forgot all about them. #SorryNotSorry (hashtags? that's right I'm stepping up my blogging game)
I even found my 3rd year virology notes! I've been looking for those since last year. Seriously. Since this time last year I have been wondering where I put those notes (I have a zombie theory that infection occurs through a viral host and I WILL find the virus whose transmission traits match those of The Walking Dead in my notes and create a plausible explanation) and I've torn my room apart countless times looking for them, to no avail. But now I finally found them! (I have yet to actually go through all of those notes, there are a lot of them and going through them would cut in the way of my laying around time, but I'll get around to it soon! Before this week is up!)
But I digress. Yeah, the past 3 weeks we've gone through old things from boxes that haven't been opened since April 2012, stored away the boxes that were important, organized our stock of paper towels and kitchen appliances, re-arranged the basement to make room for our craft area, made many trips to IKEA to purchase the extra furniture that's needed (2 bookcase/bookshelf/storage squares, desk tops, desk legs) and transferred EVERYTHING from the Tiny Craft Room into The Now-Named Craft Basement. Shit, I didn't realize just how much we've managed to do in 3 weekends. That's a lot.
But this is where the story takes a dark turn, and our heroes find themselves trapped!
The basement looks like it's been used for the mating ritual of a drunken elephant and a coked-out rhino. While a Tornado swept by. And animated Disney animals tripping on acid tried to organize the mess.
We cleaned up and cleared out everything but the move of things from The Tiny Craft Room will be the end of us. The Tiny Craft Room is tiny. TINY. It's size is in its name. How is there so much stuff?? How is it making more of a mess? We have twice the amount of storage space in the basement, why are there still things everywhere??
This is it. This is how it ends.
The Sister and I will be buried in an avalanche of crafting supplies. On our gravestones it'll read
"Should have stayed in The Tiny Craft Room, The Basement of Forgotten Messes And Still-Unpacked Boxes won".Maybe not, I think they charge by the letter. Maybe it'll just say
"Basement: 2, Sisters: 0"
The basement is a giant mess and I see no way out of it. Sometimes I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but then I realize it's actually just the IKEA lamp with a really bright bulb shining through an endless sea of papers and bins and embellishments and ribbon. We might drown in the ribbon. And I haven't made a card since we started the move. It's terrible! We're all out of cards! And we've got birthdays coming up!
So we'll see how this goes. Hopefully it'll be all done by this weekend. I'm getting all kinds of antsy! I just want to make some cards and try out our new craft area already. Patience is not my strong suit.
In times like these I like to close my eyes and remember a very important life lesson:
"No it's not weird, it's a miracle!"
"It's not a miracle, Joey. I'm sure there's some explanation"
"There is: If you want something enough and your heart is pure wondrous things can happen!"
"Joey I really dont--"
"Can you tell me how this happened?"
"You know what, maybe somebody came in here and fixed it. Or something."
"Someone like...AN ANGEL?"
Maybe if I close my eyes and wish really hard...Did it work?
I'll try again tomorrow then. Wishing, not cleaning up. I've given up on cleaning that basement.